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AhoyLindsay

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It Was A Dark And Stormy Night-Win a sloop! [Closed for Judging]

Background:

 
It was a dark and stormy night. Suddenly, a shot rang out!
A door slammed. The maid screamed.
Suddenly, a pirate ship appeared on the horizon!


Snoopy's novel begins with the famous line, "It was a dark and stormy night", coined by Edward Bulwer-Lytton. Of course, Edward didn't stop there. He went on to say:

 
It was a dark and stormy night; the rain fell in torrents--except at occasional intervals, when it was checked by a violent gust of wind which swept up the streets (for it is in London that our scene lies), rattling along the housetops, and fiercely agitating the scanty flame of the lamps that struggled against the darkness.


It was his terrible writing that inspired the name "Bulwer Lytton Fiction Contest", of which this event is a variation.

Event:

From the Oceanmasters of OOO to my own crewmates, everyone who runs an event judges it based on one thing-talent. This terrible prejudice against the ungifted is an abomination. That's why for this contest, I'm asking you to write an opening sentence for an absolutely terrible novel relating to Y!PP. I'll post a couple of different themes (for example: Atlantis). Your job is to write a really bad beginning to a book relating to the theme. (for example: "The Bellator's armpit smelled of fish as he and the greenie tangoed across the deck of the brig together.")

The contest begins now; please post your entries in the entry thread.

The contest will close at 12 am on February 1st.

Questions:

So, what're the themes?

Arr, the themes be rumble, spades, distilling, the docks, and sheep.

How many entries can I/must I submit?

Each pirate can submit a maximum of one entry for each theme, and no more. You can choose to participate in as many or as few themes as you wish.

What doesn't make a 'good' (if by good you mean bad) entry for this?

Chatspeak. 7ypinG lYk di$ doesn't make your entry funny. It doesn't give you points, it just gives me a headache. The best entries will make me groan not because they're stupid, but because they're just so awful.

Can I edit my entries?

Yes, you may edit your entries until the deadline has been reached. If you edit them after that, they may be disqualified.

Where should I post my entries?

Post them here , in the entry thread. Do not post anything but questions and comments in this thread.

Yeah yeah, but what can I WIN?

5 people (one from each category) will recieve dishonorable mentions. They will get 1000 PoE each. The winner, who will not be one of the dishonorable mentions, will recieve the Patient Chub, an unstocked and unpainted sloop ported at Zeta.

How long can my entry be?

One sentence per entry. The sentence may be as long or as short as you wish, but it must be a complete sentence. Also, keep 'em PG-13, please.

Do good writers stand a chance in this contest?

Here, I'll quote from the introduction of "It Was A Dark And Stormy Night", a collection of Bulwer-Lytton contest results:

 
Most contestants fell into two classes, though: good writers pretending to be bad writers, and bad writers pretending to be good writers pretending to be bad writers.


 
The contest did not actually encourage bad bad writing, but good bad writing, writing so delibertately rotten that it both entertains and instructs.


Reminders: Post your entries in the entry thread -not here! The themes are rumble, spades, distilling, the docks, and sheep. You should write a separate sentence for each theme. This contest closes on Feburary 1st at 12 am.

If you have more questions or comments, post them here or shoot me a PM.
----------------------------------------
Castawayjoe of the Midnight Ocean.
To err is human, but to arr is pirate.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Catharsis on Cobalt and Malachite.
----------------------------------------
[Edit 3 times, last edit by AhoyLindsay at Feb 1, 2008 1:19:08 PM]
[Jan 1, 2008 9:48:53 AM] Show Printable Version of Post        Send Private Message [Link]  Go to top 
soulfood

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Re: It Was A Dark And Stormy Night-Win a sloop!

 


The contest will close at 12 am on February.




*pokes Joe*

See the problem?
----------------------------------------
~Shannal~
SO Barnacle for Brains
Future Queen of Riot if things go my way...

Beautiful avatar made by Adida!
[Jan 2, 2008 11:09:32 AM] Show Printable Version of Post        Send Private Message [Link]  Go to top 
Grinfish

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Re: It Was A Dark And Stormy Night-Win a sloop!

 
 


The contest will close at 12 am on February.




*pokes Joe*

See the problem?


I read the WHOLE post, and saw the actual closing date.
 
This contest closes on Feburary 1st at 12 am.

----------------------------------------
Whitewyvern. Distinctly Limey.
Retired, No regrets.
Unretired, still No regrets.
Available in Cerulean and Obsidian flavours.

Briggs wrote: 
StuManchu puts the "sensual" back in "Nonconsensual"

[Jan 2, 2008 2:07:14 PM] Show Printable Version of Post        Send Private Message [Link]  Go to top 
AhoyLindsay

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Re: It Was A Dark And Stormy Night-Win a sloop!

This is why I need proof-readers. :P Anyway I read through the entries so far. Most people got what I was looking for, but I urge you to make sure each entry is ONE sentence and one sentence only. If there is a period, it means a sentence has ended.
----------------------------------------
Castawayjoe of the Midnight Ocean.
To err is human, but to arr is pirate.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Catharsis on Cobalt and Malachite.
[Jan 2, 2008 3:15:36 PM] Show Printable Version of Post        Send Private Message [Link]  Go to top 
sailorjenn

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Re: It Was A Dark And Stormy Night-Win a sloop!

I see some people used Hearts as a theme did I miss one?
[Jan 4, 2008 6:33:43 AM] Show Printable Version of Post        Send Private Message    a_smiling_girl@yahoo.com [Link]  Go to top 
AhoyLindsay

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Re: It Was A Dark And Stormy Night-Win a sloop!

 
I see some people used Hearts as a theme did I miss one?



Someone did do a hearts one and did not do a rumble one. I'm not honestly sure why, it was probably just a mistake. Hearts is not one of the themes but the person still has time to correct it before the deadline.
----------------------------------------
Castawayjoe of the Midnight Ocean.
To err is human, but to arr is pirate.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Catharsis on Cobalt and Malachite.
[Jan 4, 2008 1:40:56 PM] Show Printable Version of Post        Send Private Message [Link]  Go to top 
syspirate

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Re: It Was A Dark And Stormy Night-Win a sloop!

Sorry CAJ, is a comma a period? or is it a full stop?

Sorry my grammar aint the greatest.

DJ
----------------------------------------
Dirtyjack
Midnight Ocean
[Jan 10, 2008 5:43:33 AM] Show Printable Version of Post        Send Private Message [Link]  Go to top 
AhoyLindsay

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Re: It Was A Dark And Stormy Night-Win a sloop!

A comma is not a period, and if there is dialogue involved or decimals (although why you would inclue decimals in your entry I can't imagine) then even a . may not count as a period.
----------------------------------------
Castawayjoe of the Midnight Ocean.
To err is human, but to arr is pirate.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Catharsis on Cobalt and Malachite.
[Jan 10, 2008 11:15:19 AM] Show Printable Version of Post        Send Private Message [Link]  Go to top 
AhoyLindsay

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Re: It Was A Dark And Stormy Night-Win a sloop!

Less than two weeks left to enter this event.

Shameless bump FTW.
----------------------------------------
Castawayjoe of the Midnight Ocean.
To err is human, but to arr is pirate.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Catharsis on Cobalt and Malachite.
[Jan 21, 2008 1:25:30 PM] Show Printable Version of Post        Send Private Message [Link]  Go to top 
Tecalote

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Re: It Was A Dark And Stormy Night-Win a sloop!

even tho I cannot win
cause I be from the ocean Viridian
I thought I would share this with ye
cause a puzzle pirate it's fun to be




THE LAST BATTLE

Sunlight twinkled off brilliant gems barely visible beneath the moving brine and twinkled brightly off the slashing swords and the shiny, slimy, visages of the Bellators and the brigands' sweating brows as the battle waxed and waned and finally was lost and the gallant ship, filled with blackguards so fierce, slowly sank to the bottom of the Atlantean sea where now only faint glimmers can sometimes be spied, when the light is just right, dimly glinting off the ancient fish-picked bones of pirates no longer remembered.



RUMBLE ON THE HIGH SEAS

The smell of sweating, unwashed men was almost as overpowering as the blows they delivered, seemingly indiscriminately, with their beastly, bulbous, bludgeons so the blood ran thick on the briny deck and not a stinking one did not have at least one trophy knot or lump or bloody bump somewhere on his sea-punished body until, at last, the final blow fell and nothing more could be heard but but a moan or a groan, the scampering of rats, the sloshing of waves, and the keening
of wind in the rigging.



THE WINNER

At the table she sat in her fat muffin hat wearing the title of Legendary like the Hope diamond and announcing to the rest of us that we might as well concede before dropping a single card and yet I, being barely respected, stayed and played and laughed at her vain conceit until the last trick was flung, the trumps were done, and I had won all the poe and she slunk away flayed by her own vanity.



DISTILLING

The day started out tamely enough when I went to me job at the still thinking, "maybe I'll change the brew just a little" and I set to work mixing potions and herbs, a little of this and a little of that, until I could get the mix just right but I wasn't sure so I thought I'd have a little taste and make an adjustment and then another little taste to be sure and I tasted and got wasted and fell down on the floor and the brew ran out and all about and me boss tossed me out the door.


THE DOCKS

The shrieking wind awakened me from a deep sleep and something called out to me over the tumult to come, to come, so braving the gale and occasional hail I stumbled down the long, rocky trail at the top o' which me little shack sat, on down to the waterside where ships from ports foreign and strange ramped and tugged at rope and chain and, as I heard me name being called from out of the storm, I saw before me the scabrous form of Davy Jones himself arisen from the deep to fetch me to come with him to his locker.


SHEEP

We pulled hard into the sheltering cove to escape the rising wind and the coming storm which had driven us so far off course to this uncharted land and I took a dingy to shore to see what I could see and, behold, looking at me from the water's edge were the prettiest brown eyes I ever saw and I knew that those sweet, soft, liquid looks, warmer than any woman ever looked at me, and that soft wooly form with the twinkle in it's eye, beckoned me to new experiences and an exotic destiny.

----------------------------------------
Perdita of the Sea Dogs of Destruction
under the flag Rabidus Canis
on the Viridian Ocean
----------------------------------------
[Edit 4 times, last edit by Tecalote at Jan 30, 2008 10:26:50 AM]
[Jan 30, 2008 10:13:49 AM] Show Printable Version of Post        Send Private Message [Link]  Go to top 
bones01

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Re: It Was A Dark And Stormy Night-Win a sloop!

It was a dark and stormy night when I was out at see then the waves got high i saw a light house but rocks were in the way then we slowly went down into the dark ocean

THE end pirate name Woa oceaqn midnight
[Jan 30, 2008 10:17:57 AM] Show Printable Version of Post        Send Private Message    smith_ricky@yahoo.com [Link]  Go to top 
AhoyLindsay

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Re: It Was A Dark And Stormy Night-Win a sloop!

Thanks mate, but I encourage you to read the first post! This is not the entry thread. And, to a few of the people who have already entered... ONE sentence. Not two. Not three. One. As in, rings to rule them all, presidential candidates per political party, and hands still remaining on Castawayjoe. One. Also... Just a little bit of time left for this event! I'm hoping the noticeboard listing will lead to a lot of last minute entries.
----------------------------------------
Castawayjoe of the Midnight Ocean.
To err is human, but to arr is pirate.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Catharsis on Cobalt and Malachite.
[Jan 30, 2008 2:11:26 PM] Show Printable Version of Post        Send Private Message [Link]  Go to top 
Brakenb



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Re: It Was A Dark And Stormy Night-Win a sloop!

Rumble:
Brumble, Thumble
'ear the Capt'n grumble,
the first mate LOST our' symble
in a Stein of rum "bull".

Spades:
I knew they was cheat'n, but could'nt prove it, til I honestly got spades....all of dem...

Distilling:
Bad beer in her hand, not quite done, picture perfect.

The Docks:
He strolled along with a tap, tap, tap, I looked up, but only saw a rod shot straight to the forehead, out cold.

Sheep:
Chestnuts roasting over an open fire....
[Jan 31, 2008 9:34:25 PM] Show Printable Version of Post        Send Private Message [Link]  Go to top 
Grinfish

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Re: It Was A Dark And Stormy Night-Win a sloop!

 
Thanks mate, but I encourage you to read the first post! This is not the entry thread.


It's in the post RIGHT ABOVE YOURS!
----------------------------------------
Whitewyvern. Distinctly Limey.
Retired, No regrets.
Unretired, still No regrets.
Available in Cerulean and Obsidian flavours.

Briggs wrote: 
StuManchu puts the "sensual" back in "Nonconsensual"

[Feb 1, 2008 4:56:03 AM] Show Printable Version of Post        Send Private Message [Link]  Go to top 
AhoyLindsay

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Re: It Was A Dark And Stormy Night-Win a sloop!

Aye, and this event is closed for judging. Thanks to all who entered-I'm not sure when results will be up, but I'll be sure to bump this thread when winners are chosen. Please don't edit your entries after this post!
----------------------------------------
Castawayjoe of the Midnight Ocean.
To err is human, but to arr is pirate.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Catharsis on Cobalt and Malachite.
[Feb 1, 2008 1:18:27 PM] Show Printable Version of Post        Send Private Message [Link]  Go to top 
syspirate

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Re: It Was A Dark And Stormy Night-Win a sloop!

Hey CWJ

A re we close to an announcement of the winners?
----------------------------------------
Dirtyjack
Midnight Ocean
[Feb 8, 2008 12:27:13 PM] Show Printable Version of Post        Send Private Message [Link]  Go to top 
RA_Mako_AL

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Re: It Was A Dark And Stormy Night-Win a sloop!

Yeah, if it doesn't happen tonight I'm gonna be out of town for a few days and not have access to Puzzle Pirates so if I win something it'd be appreciated if ye could just hold me prize till I get back.
----------------------------------------
|
|
|
|
|
-->Yodaraal on the Cobalt and Midnight ocean!!
-->Yodayar on the Cobalt ocean!!
[Feb 8, 2008 4:39:17 PM] Show Printable Version of Post        Send Private Message [Link]  Go to top 
AhoyLindsay

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Re: It Was A Dark And Stormy Night-Win a sloop!

Sorry, everyone! Between midterms and some other stuff I've been busy. Don't hold your breath, but I'll make some progress over the weekend.
----------------------------------------
Castawayjoe of the Midnight Ocean.
To err is human, but to arr is pirate.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Catharsis on Cobalt and Malachite.
[Feb 8, 2008 6:37:14 PM] Show Printable Version of Post        Send Private Message [Link]  Go to top 
AhoyLindsay

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Re: It Was A Dark And Stormy Night-Win a sloop!

Making progress, I swear!
----------------------------------------
Castawayjoe of the Midnight Ocean.
To err is human, but to arr is pirate.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Catharsis on Cobalt and Malachite.
[Feb 12, 2008 4:39:13 PM] Show Printable Version of Post        Send Private Message [Link]  Go to top 
RA_Mako_AL

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Re: It Was A Dark And Stormy Night-Win a sloop!

No problem mate, we know life gets busy, btw I'm back just thought I'd let ye know.
----------------------------------------
|
|
|
|
|
-->Yodaraal on the Cobalt and Midnight ocean!!
-->Yodayar on the Cobalt ocean!!
[Feb 12, 2008 11:26:59 PM] Show Printable Version of Post        Send Private Message [Link]  Go to top 
AhoyLindsay

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Re: It Was A Dark And Stormy Night-Win a sloop!

Hiya people! I'm just 'conferring' with a few others to get multiple opinions, and then I should have the top few entries. And it only took me, what, a month? Whoo!
----------------------------------------
Castawayjoe of the Midnight Ocean.
To err is human, but to arr is pirate.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Catharsis on Cobalt and Malachite.
[Feb 25, 2008 5:05:16 PM] Show Printable Version of Post        Send Private Message [Link]  Go to top 
AhoyLindsay

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Re: It Was A Dark And Stormy Night-Win a sloop!

It's been narrowed down to the top entry in each category, now I just need to choose a final winner. Shouldn't be long!
----------------------------------------
Castawayjoe of the Midnight Ocean.
To err is human, but to arr is pirate.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Catharsis on Cobalt and Malachite.
[Feb 27, 2008 1:35:19 PM] Show Printable Version of Post        Send Private Message [Link]  Go to top 
Grinfish

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Re: It Was A Dark And Stormy Night-Win a sloop!

<.<
----------------------------------------
Whitewyvern. Distinctly Limey.
Retired, No regrets.
Unretired, still No regrets.
Available in Cerulean and Obsidian flavours.

Briggs wrote: 
StuManchu puts the "sensual" back in "Nonconsensual"

[Mar 3, 2008 10:51:25 AM] Show Printable Version of Post        Send Private Message [Link]  Go to top 
AhoyLindsay

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Re: It Was A Dark And Stormy Night-Win a sloop!

 
<.<


I know, but I woke up today and puked my guts out, and my fever is up so it's tough to get things done.
----------------------------------------
Castawayjoe of the Midnight Ocean.
To err is human, but to arr is pirate.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Catharsis on Cobalt and Malachite.
[Mar 3, 2008 4:05:31 PM] Show Printable Version of Post        Send Private Message [Link]  Go to top 
AhoyLindsay

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Re: It Was A Dark And Stormy Night-Win a sloop!

Yes, faster than almost as fast as a speeding snail moving through molasses, the judging is finished!

It was tough to choose between a few, so I basically just picked the ones that would make me put down the book the fastest. :P

First place: Rondell, for the category of sheep, with the absolutely awful

 
Honest John was aghast at the floating dead bodies of sheep, bloated with stiffened legs stretching heavenward, ( the wool of sheep being most resilient and waterproof because of the greasy lanolin that exudes from their skin permeating the woolly fleece so it won't sink in deep water) as they drifted past on an outgoing tide out to sea, from the harbour where he was about to dock, not knowing that Azarbad the Great had recently taken the island by storm looking for goats for his favourite dish of goats eyes in aspic, and not finding any had thrown all the sheep into the salty very deep sea.


Prize: A sloop!

Dishonorable mentions:

Docks: Sacrana, with the short yet terrible
 

The ships sailed in like so many old teabags dipped in a salty soup.


Rumble: Arick, for introducing possibly the most bizarre descriptions in piratical literary history:
 

Although his fishbelly-white skin was speckled with more bruises than the last banana in the grocery store on Two-For-One Coupon Day, CpnjXXXsprrww refused to yield to his much higher-ranked opponent and fought valiantly on until he was completely buried in the drifts from the hailstorm of brightly-colored blows that descended upon him.


Distilling: Dragonslayer (no pirate name given) for an opening sentence that would make even the hardiest bibliophile throw away the cheap novel it might begin

 
The only sign that Drukenjoe had stolen all the booze was when he threw it up all back on the floor.


Spades: Pokemaniac_6 (no pirate name given) with the clever
 

The table was awash with greenies, pirates and gardeners that had got lost.


Sheep: Alethia, for an entry full of horrible puns

 
"Stop thief, you're not going to pull the wool over my eyes," bleated Jimmy as he finally unmasked the culprit, York, who had always been nothing but a black sheep anyway.


Dishonorable mentions recieve 1,000 PoE each.

Winners should contact me in-game as Castawayjoe in order to recieve their prizes.
----------------------------------------
Castawayjoe of the Midnight Ocean.
To err is human, but to arr is pirate.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Catharsis on Cobalt and Malachite.
[Mar 3, 2008 5:22:29 PM] Show Printable Version of Post        Send Private Message [Link]  Go to top 
frodoslegacy

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Re: It Was A Dark And Stormy Night-Win a sloop!

Huzzah!!! No one knows more about being beat up in Rumble than me, that was an actual description of my last bout. :p

Thanks for a fun contest, CA Joe, and congratulations to all the winners. It's good to be bad! :)
----------------------------------------
Arick
SO and Diplomat of the "Werewolves"
Prince of the "Rogue Wolves"
on Midnight

Obsessions are the spice of life.
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joythompson

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Re: It Was A Dark And Stormy Night-Win a sloop!

i am really surprised at winning ,
thankyou castawayjoe for picking my piece on the sheep theme i hope it wasn't that, that is making you (pukey) and feverish.
i do hope you feel better soon and thankye again.


rondell
Thors thunder
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AhoyLindsay

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Re: It Was A Dark And Stormy Night-Win a sloop!

 
i am really surprised at winning ,
thankyou castawayjoe for picking my piece on the sheep theme i hope it wasn't that, that is making you (pukey) and feverish.
i do hope you feel better soon and thankye again.


rondell
Thors thunder


Well, it was really awful, so you deserved to win.

*cough* That's not a sentence you hear to often. I've been /whoing all the winners (except the ones with no pirate names given) to track them down in game.
----------------------------------------
Castawayjoe of the Midnight Ocean.
To err is human, but to arr is pirate.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Catharsis on Cobalt and Malachite.
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littlefaith

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Re: It Was A Dark And Stormy Night-Win a sloop!

The extra judging time obviously was used judiciously, as the winners were all truly awful! Thanks for the fun event.
----------------------------------------
Chengisao / Cloudburst / Littlefaith of Midnight
Avatar by Kolibri of Viridian
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