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When I was a little lad, my granny used to tell me all these strange stories, some about great swordsmen, others about people who didnt do much more than playing poker for a living. Every story she told me was different from the other. One gray morning about 30 years ago she told me this story called Little Red Diving Hood. I still remember it, because I think it is so strange that the little girl asks her grandmother about why she has such a big nose. Since that day Ive been trying to solve the great nose mystery.
Personally I believe that we pirates have an inner nose, such as we all have an inner eye. The inner eye is the eye that makes pictures inside yer head when you are dreaming, or when ye are thinking about the big vessel ye one day might own.
sitting in my cabin in the ferry to Dragons Nest in the Viridian ocean I felt that someone was sneaking around me, I didnt know what it was but I just felt this odd feeling ye get when someone is around ye without ye knowing it. For some minutes I tried to unveil the sneaking creature around me, but I just didnt manage to see anything at all.
The ferry arrived at Dragons Nests port a warm March day. I was trying to figure out who did the terrible crime of stealing our pirate noses.
First I had to drink some rum. Without my daily portion of rum I was not sharp. I needed the rum. It was important to drink first class rum, no swill and no grog.
I had noticed that lately there had been many people who just paralyzed such as Shaarty, Afroman, and Blackskully. All of them were just paralyzed. This was so strange. Why would someone paralyze people and on top steal all our pirate noses?
I sat in the back room of the local inn when a beautiful dame came. Even if she had a big patch over her eye, and gray hair she was very beautiful.
Dont come in like that without knocking the door, I saidI could have been naked.
She replied, Maybe next time
I couldnt resist laughing before I continued, So what do ye want?
Ye are a private I right? she said softly.
She then continued I am looking for a vessel. Not a normal vessel, but a miniature vessel inside a bottle, she looked straight through me it is very precious for me. It is named Drunk Swordfish
Then she gave me five thousand pieces of eight and said, Ye will get the fifty thousand more if you find this vessel. Come to my estate in Sakejima island
I turned my head down to look at the bunch of money and when I turned my head up again the dame was gone.
I thought I would just wait some days with the nose mystery and solve this one first.
n order to find the miniature vessel I would first have to find the real vessel. In the whole Viridian no one knew more about vessels than MrMuscle. He was a great vessel knower so I hoped on the first ferry to Terra island; his home island.
I went into Nile Rafts. There I was him. He had long blond hair and beard. I started to brief him about that I was looking for a vessel called Drunk Swordfish. After some thinking he managed to remember that the crew Jerrys kids sunk that ship some months ago but that the owner; Nemesis Nasalhoff survived. I asked him about boat miniatures, he gave me an address of the only on that made those these days. I had to set off to Sakejima Island.
The ferry barely moved forward since there was so little wind but when I at last came to Sakejima I went straight to On the Shelf there I saw a brown haired girl. She had a long dress and a bandana.
Do ye make boat miniatures? I asked.
Yes indeed. Yer will be ready when ye need it she replied. Her voice sounded like me when I was really drunk.
I sounded surprised when I replied, Dont misunderstand me I dont need a miniature. I want to ask who you sold Drunk Swordfish to?
She shouted Ye will get yer boat when ye need it I said! she took a short breath before she continued, Drunk swordfish. I sold it to Jerry.
All this time I had been looking for a miniature that my own captain Jerry had. I took a day off to relax and to play some poker before I went back to Terra to pay a visit to my captain Jerry. I knocked softly on the door to his big manor. It took some time before his wife; Hezakaya came and opened the door.
Deep inside the large sized manor I met Jerry. He had dark skin and red hair. He was wearing a pink and violet conquistador armor combined with a tricorn of the same fine color.
I heard that ye have a miniature boat called Drunk Swordfish I told him with my most polite voice.
Yes Indeed, I collect miniature boats. Some are worth much; others are worth less. He explained.
I have come to hear that ye have a miniature called Drunk Swordfish, and I really need it. Is there a possibility that I can buy it from you? I asked.
Jerry said Iggiquetzal, I buy these miniatures because some times the ships become legendary boats that get to be known for cruel blockades and many sea battle victories. Drunk Swordfish I shot down myself, so the chances for that boat getting famous are the same as for a greenie to win a familiar in swordfighting. So Accept this miniature as a gift from me
Well thank ye! I said happily.
I stayed overnight at his manor for some days before I took the evening ferry to Sakejima island.
When I arrived I just wanted to check what this crazy less meant when she said that I was going to get a miniature. I entered the store and she just gave me the miniature and went to the back room again. Without bothering to go and look for the store lady, I went to the only manor in Sakejima. The big door seemed bigger when I knocked on it. Some seconds later the beautiful lady came and opened the door. We went to her living room and sat us down in her fancy couch. After a cup of tea she introduced herself as Nemesis Nasalhoff, the lady who survived when Drunk Swordfish was shot down. When I looked in my inventory looking for the miniature I had two identical miniatures. I just handed over one of them.
I am going to take a bath. Please wait here She said.
As everyone else in this planet would I went to take a look around in the manor. After some peeking I found my way to the basement where Nasalhoff had a desk with a kind of treasure map. I consider myself as half detective and half pirate. For some seconds my pirate instincts took over and grabbed the map. It was missing one part, but I took it anyway, it could be a precious treasure.
When Nasalhoff came down I got the fifty thousand pieces of eight. We chatted briefly before I left her house and set off to buy a vessel. I was going to get that treasure.
Waiting was not my thing, so I bought the vessel in the in from my friend Shaarty. I convinced him to come along and get the treasure. He managed to get some workers to join us. When we were about to sail the other miniature fell out from my pocket and broke in a thousand pieces when it hit the hard wooden ship floor. When I looked surprised down I saw a map piece. It was that what Nasalhoff wanted not the miniature!
I had given her the wrong Miniature.
I ordered the vessel to sail towards the island the map showed, and after ten rough days we were there. The treasure island. I followed the map as well as I could and my pirates and cabin persons started to dig where the treasure was supposed to be. After very short time they found a hatch. I was the first one to go downstairs. It was an awful sight. Thousands of noses were being melted into Doubloons. I called down my crew, maybe we could save some of the noses, but minutes after that we went down to the hatch Nasalhoff came.
I was going to burn that map! But yer stupidity destroyed my plan. You had to give me the wrong miniature! she shoted, You silly piece of barnacle!
Well game is over, Nasalhoff, I said but if this was such a secret why did ye make a map?
She answered, I didnt make, The other Ocean Masters did, I didnt want a map to this island, I was just assembling it so it could be destroyed. As you see we take your noses and melt them into doubloons. Its the cheapest way to make them.
I said, You make me puke! I took a short pause before I told my workers, Arrest her!
It was a very close fight; my 5 workers against her. She reached to ban 3 of them with her stick before the others managed to take her.
In the boat on the way to Lima I asked her how they took our noses, why they took our noses and when they did that terrible act. She gave me this answer: Before ye are able to create your pirate we remove the noses with Kraken, that is why his blood is so expensive, because he is under our protection.
We take the noses because we have to. Doubloons are necessary, and because the nose is one of the less important parts of the body. I think ye pirates would be crying if we took yer arms.
And when huh? We have always been doing it."
[sorry for a bit too long story, but i really needed!]
-retroskiver (Iggiquetzal Viridian Ocean)
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