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Apollo
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December Doodle #2 [WINNERS ANNOUNCED] Reply to this Post
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2 December - I hate when that happens!

Contest opens now! Contest will finish at midnight at the end of Friday.

When I was younger, I used to fall off my chair laughing at the Billy Crystal song "I hate when that happens", which I first heard on a completely mad radio show in Toronto. Your task in this doodle is to recreate this song in piratical form. You'll be pleased to know that you don't have to perform it - just write the lyrics / story.

In this song, he is describing a series of bizarre, implausible and often painful things happen to him. Each disastrous episode is introduced with something like "You know when...", and finishes with "I HATE when that happens."

The theme of your song should be you telling the tale of a disastrous attempt to capture an island. You can cover the whole story from idea / plotting through to the last moments of a blockade, or you can focus on just part of it, or you can pick out key moments. Either way, unpleasant things happen, and it hurts, and you hate it. For example, "You know when you start gunning, and you can't remember if you loaded the cannonball, and you put your face down in front of the barrel to check, and the navigator fires it? My teeth ended up in the back of my bandana. I HATE when that happens." Like that, but funnier, y'know?

You don't have to do it in verse/song format - it can be a series of episodes making up a story, either prose or dialogue. You should use no more than 600 words, but it can be much shorter - I'd rather have a well-crafted and funny 150 words than a rambling 600 words!

I had hoped to find a link to lyrics or a youtube version of this, but I'm short on time, and the browser just crashed taking my first version of this post with it... I HATE when that happens. Fortunately, you came to the rescue, and posted some links as replies! Here's one - play any of the top three.


As a reminder, please read the general rules before posting.
Include your pirate name and ocean at the top of your post, then your lyrics/story in plain text.

Go Doodle!
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[Edit 3 times, last edit by Apollo at Dec 10, 2012 2:09:46 PM]
[Dec 3, 2012 11:41:22 PM] Show Printable Version of Post        Send Private Message    http://blog.puzzlepirates.com/apollo/ [Link]  Go to top 
Cloverwood

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Reference Material: December Doodle #2 - I hate when that happens! Reply to this Post
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After I digging around a bit, I found some appropriate reference for this Doodle.
(Note: They are hosted elsewhere, but don't seem to require anything beyond tolerating minimal advertising.)


- Audio of the Song: Here.
- Video of an SNL skit based on it: Here.

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TheRunt (Cerulean)
[Dec 4, 2012 2:38:56 AM] Show Printable Version of Post        Send Private Message [Link]  Go to top 
cattrin

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Re: Reference Material: December Doodle #2 - I hate when that happens! Reply to this Post
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[grooveshark]

Click on the first, or second, or third one on the search. :)

[these are the lyrics from the snl skit I believe]
-

Cattrin on Meridian

You know when you've got to come up with something creative about blockades, but have never been in one? Then you've got to go off of the 'pedia in uncharted waters and everything just gets all hairy. I HATE when that happens.

So I start thinking, and you know when you've got a real nice fleet, practically a ship-of-the-line armada out there, only to find that the island was uninhabited? Ya know they are for a reason, right, and I ended up leading every ship there through a gale and into the rocks. Man, I hate it when that happens.

'cause of that of course I lost my good hand, the one I use for carpentry, right? So then I was trying to salvage my beloved the next day, but every time I tried to hit a nail I'd drop the hammer on my head. I'm telling you, they should make different attachments for those hooks, my ears were ringing louder than that bell on deck.

Now, you might say I could'a just've used my left hand, but you know that that one was even worse, 'cause when the ship was goin' down, I just happened to catch it on a stray rope whipping through the wind. It didn't help when the mainmast snapped right in two and took me with it! I might've got my first bath this year, but man, that hurt.

So I finally got my ship and her crew back together and cast her off, only to get back to land and find all the other mates from the fleet waiting for me! Boy it was brutal having to pay off all their fees by weaving no-handed; bet it cost me an arm and a leg.

Finally, finally when all is said and done, I'm just sitting in the Inn, a one-armed, one-legged, no-handed artist (bet you've never heard that one before), and a guy comes up and says "Hey, do you still do portraits?" So I say sure and pick up a brush with my good foot. Man, he ran out of there faster than an octopus out of water! I HATE it when that happens!
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Cattrin of Cerulean
Avatar by Apollo (we miss you :c), Blakbead, Angelira, Coriander, and Accelerator!

 
X tells ye, "Stop yo drawing fool!"

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[Edit 1 times, last edit by cattrin at Dec 4, 2012 2:16:19 PM]
[Dec 4, 2012 3:44:59 AM] Show Printable Version of Post        Send Private Message [Link]  Go to top 
seleennn

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Re: Reference Material: December Doodle #2 - I hate when that happens! Reply to this Post
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Deep breathe.. ok lets go!

You know when you see that Octo, it started wiggling and know that you have to sail to winning! Aim the top and start sailing. Put the blocks Up and Down, Left to Right, you know, you should do your best to win it, right ? Then you go build your best with passion.. and what ?! You say oh-no! ohh-no!! it's lagging a little or not?!
All the colours fade in a minute and make you say what the !?#.*@%!.. The warning message appears and tells you ' You lost the connection Lad!'. Now u should call it bad luck or what.. Don't give up!! Don't give up!!
Time to give it another try, check cables and get ready to fight. Don't know why it takes too much time to fix, get your ship ready and catch the wind! Go you!! Go you!! You are really close to League Point. Your shiny indicator makes you grin, but can't you see , your time is RUNNING!!.. only a SECOND, a second left to Duty Report thing.. but WHAT?!
Time is over, Xxx won the racing.. What to do now?! Swear or Cry.. at this moment nothing makes you smile.. I HATE when that happens =(


201 words due to WordCounter =P

Seleenn on Meridian
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Seleenn on Meridian
The Evil Twin of Boysenberry ;)


Avatar by Scythera <3
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[Edit 1 times, last edit by seleennn at Dec 4, 2012 7:36:56 AM]
[Dec 4, 2012 7:35:57 AM] Show Printable Version of Post        Send Private Message [Link]  Go to top 
Fujiko

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Re: December Doodle #2 [Deadline end Friday 7th December 2012] Reply to this Post
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Should it be original to this contest?

I remember posting a parody blockade song quite a really very long while back on the forums.
----------------------------------------
Fujiko on Cerulean.
WTB: Mako ships, penguins, Neerie's prize-winning egg (a card suits one,) more of Greylady's sixth prize-winning eggs (the penguin one.)
[Dec 4, 2012 7:59:12 AM] Show Printable Version of Post        Send Private Message [Link]  Go to top 
Bunnylaroo

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Re: December Doodle #2 [Deadline end Friday 7th December 2012] Reply to this Post
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Bunnylaroo, Emerald

So when the captain said he was going to "drop a chest", I didn't think he meant on my foot. 125,000 pieces of eight, slamming down on 5 of my little piggies. I might have been hoping for an injury, but "broken toes" was not what I had in mind. It was very painful.

And speaking of painful, the captain ordered me to do some navigation. And the wheel-y thing-y wasn't turning quite as smoothly as I wanted, so naturally I stuck my head between the handles to see what the problem was. Only, it wouldn't come out. Haggard Penelope had to take the helm and steer with me still stuck there. Boy was I dizzy. Finally the crew tied my legs to somebody's pet elephant and then made him stampede. My head popped right out of the helm, but I lost an earring. And an ear. I hate when that happens.

Then I tried some carpentry. Man, was I ever in the zone, closing up holes left and right. I ran into a little snafu when I hammered a T-shaped piece into place...right through my leg. But no worries, my trusty saw was nearby, so I sawed back and forth, back and forth, only I sawed a little too far and went right through the piece. The good news is, I don't have any broken toes anymore. In fact, I've got nothing below the knee. Ouch.

Next, the captain said the sails needed patching. I'm not too handy with a needle and thread, but I patched up the tear pretty well I thought. Until I tried to walk away and saw I'd sown right through my fingers. That's the worst. I asked if anybody had scissors and could help me, but the only guy around was Hyperopic Phillip, and he didn't have his glasses with him. Cut a little lower than I was hoping. Not good.

Finally, I noticed there was water in the hold all the way up to the spot where my ankle used to be, so I started to bilge. I was deflating blowfish with my new hook, and pumping with the other hand, so when it was time to clear the crabs I thought I'd better use my head. Just like bobbing for apples. Before I knew it one had my eye pinched shut. Talk about a strong grip! I managed to yank him off, but I kept an eye on him. Literally.

We didn't manage to take the island, but I guess my wish for an injury came true, many times over. I hate when that happens!
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Bunnylaroo of Sage Emerald

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[Dec 4, 2012 9:35:16 AM] Show Printable Version of Post        Send Private Message [Link]  Go to top 
Snowpixie

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Re: December Doodle #2 [Deadline end Friday 7th December 2012] Reply to this Post
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imp, Meridian. (That skit is quite disturbing, possibly more so because I have actually seen people do some of those things.) 568 words using this wordcount tool, I am *not* going to count them manually.

[conversation overheard between two COMPLETELY innocent pirates at the dock, speaking in broad New Malachite accents]

Addy: I-I-I dun like bein' jobbing contacts. There-there's too many people.
impy: Arr, it means we done our job, Ad. An' done it well!
Addy: I-I know but I liked it moar when we wuz jus' jobbers, y'know? I wuz makin' out with... out makin' more hearties, then.
impy: Like that prince over at Sic Semper Bananas?
Addy: [reluctantly] I-I dropped him. Yeah, he w just... with the hugging, all the time, he wuz, I couldn't breathe. And the rules, y'know? He kept tryin' to filter me!
impy: I know, Addy. A pirate needs room to tart freely.
Addy: [rubbing her shoulder] yeow.
impy: What's wrong Ad?
Addy: Well, y'know the Scrumptious Piranha?
impy: The brig in the gingerbread fleet? Deck covered in icin', candycanes stickin' up outta the floor?
Addy: Yeah, well, every time I swagger up the stairs, that one candycane right at the top pokes inta me shoulder. I -- it's very painful.
impy: Ya think that's painful? Last week when we wuz stockin' all the ships to blockade, throwin' around rum and cb's
Addy: Those large ones?
impy: Right.
Addy: Yeah?
impy: Well, so I'm throwin' all them balls onto the gingerbrig and then I'm throwin' on some rum, y'know?
Addy: Mmhmm.
impy: An' so I hop on to check if it's enough, and them balls've knocked a giant hole right through the gingerbread hull.
Addy: Yeah, I know whatcha mean. Ya know, that same day I took in the, you know, the, uh...
impy: Love brig?
Addy: Yeah, an' I-I just loaded up an' sailed right into that blockade, as far as I could go, y'know? And then I took one o' them uh...
impy: Gunners?
Addy: Yeah, and they loaded all them large balls real fast, an' then I fired, an' then I-I remembered a brig uses mediums.
impy: Boy, that must've been explosive.
Addy: I know! I HATE when that happens.
impy: Ya know what I hate?
Addy: What?
impy: When I hop on the GF between rounds and just check out the trinket case, y'know?
Addy: Uh huh.
impy: An' I open it up an' I pick up a, uh...
Addy: Sword Pin?
impy: Right. And I stick it in my booty and I'm wavin' it around, and, you know, pokin' it at the dolls and then I take out one o' them, uh...
Addy: Scorpion Sting?
impy: No.
Addy: Zombie Doll?
impy: No.
Addy: Ah?
impy: Smoke Bomb.
Addy: Ah! Yeah.
impy: An' I just stick it - wedge it right up in there, y'know? Light the fuse, and BAM. Heh. Feels like yer whole inventory is gonna explode.
Addy: Boy, isn't THAT the truth. It's like the other day after the blockade, I-I-I'm in the hold and sittin' in the bilgewater, an' there's all that leftover rum, you know?
impy: Right.
Addy: An', for a mug, I-I-I use a, uh...
impy: Jellyfish?
Addy: Right. So I turn it upside down and fill it to the brim, right? An' I wanna see if the tentacles still work, right?
impy: Right.
Addy: So every time I take a swig it stings me right on the kisser! I'm tellin' ya... after the third barrel, I couldn't tell any more if I wuz drinkin' rum or swill. I hate when THAT happens, I'll tell ya that.
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Imp, totally sane mermaid-siren of Meridian.
Superdoodle avatar by Budclare =D
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[Edit 1 times, last edit by Snowpixie at Dec 4, 2012 6:00:31 PM]
[Dec 4, 2012 5:19:41 PM] Show Printable Version of Post        Send Private Message [Link]  Go to top 
maiooch

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Re: December Doodle #2 [Deadline end Friday 7th December 2012] Reply to this Post
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Rhodanite-Cerulean

You know when you're sailing towards an island just before a blockade and you find yourself out of rum so you head to the closest port? Only you find that you cant because you're at war with the owner of that island too. Now you have to continue onwards with the swabbies complaining of mutiny just to find yourself in battle because you forgot to turn the auto targeting off. The Hair of the Dog is now yours, but, your mutinous crew shaved your dog! Man I hate when that happens.

You know when you're one minute from live and you've been on for an hour and you're blockade navigation team is still missing? You've been scrambling looking for anyone with a navigation stat only to find out they're on the wrong ocean and at the wrong blockade, man I hate when that happens.

You know when the round is just about to end but you need only 10 points just to push a head so you head for a 3 pointer and it seems everyone else has the same idea? So you take what you think is the short cut through the wind and the whirlie but you enter the wrong way and instead find yourself in the way of friendly fire. Man I hate when that happens.


You know when you are calling all hands for jobbers to board ships and you forget to uncheck those already on board or sailing? You're docked ships are flooded with jobbers and you head on the board only to realize there is a fleet of your own empty ships in the blockade on flags without influence, man I hate when that happens.

You know when you're busy in the blockade and its the last ship to go in on a long day and the duty report hits and no one gets paid? So you think to yourself I'll click to go home, it's only break and get more poe...only to realize you're the only officer on board, you've left all your jobbers on the ship, and now can not whisk back into the board. You have to petition an ocean master to order a jobber to drive, man I hate when that happens.
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Rhodanite of Cerulean formerly of Midnight
Queen of Bedlam
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[Dec 4, 2012 9:32:08 PM] Show Printable Version of Post        Send Private Message [Link]  Go to top 
Aeternis

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Re: December Doodle #2 [Deadline end Friday 7th December 2012] Reply to this Post
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Locu of Cerulean

You know when you want to write something funny about cades and recognize that half of your jokes are already taken? I hate when that happens.

But you know when I was preparing that cade a few weeks ago? You know, moving all that ships on Friday afternoon and then getting a call so I had to run and could just give my PoE to another officer and ask him to swabbie the rest of the fleet to Olive...
When I came back he proudly told me that he even moved the galleon to Olivia so the stock is there already!
I hate when that happens...
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Locu on Cerulean and Opal (and some other Oceans)

Check the Rack at Phakey's Tailor Stall on Tinga for nice clothes!
Locu's Weaving Stall on Tinga and Cranberry

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[Dec 5, 2012 9:34:31 AM] Show Printable Version of Post        Send Private Message [Link]  Go to top 
Azagh

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Re: December Doodle #2 [Deadline end Friday 7th December 2012] Reply to this Post
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Azagh of Viridian... wait meridian now...


You know when you control an island and everyone on the ocean fears you to much to try and take it from you, yeah? well a few days later a few new archipelagos where added and all of a sudden you aren't so scary and you got 10 new war declarations, I HATE it when that happens.

You know when you successfully defend your island for the fifth straight week and the other flag finally gives up, you think you got a break to re cooperate, then a different flag from a different continent thinks it will be fun to make you get up at 3 am just to have some fun, so you get out of bed and have a swig of rum looking like you just got run over by a gorgonyx, I HATE it when that happens.

You know when you are in a sloop just trying to get to the island so you can port and then a couple of war frigates decide they want some fun, well I moved to the right, I moved to the left, that war frigate shot at my butt all night, now you think you are safe but then a war brig enters right in front of you, I HATE it when that happens.

You know when you are just about to sink the enemy and you run out of cannonballs, and then you notice you got that crazy captain looking at you as if your so fine, he grabs you and tells you how much he loves you and you think its wonderful, then he gives you some more rum and the next thing you know I am shoved in a cannon watching the wick burn down, I HATE it when that happens.

You know when you sink and you get to shore, and you got a soggy boot, no leg, no hand, missing an eye and all you got is the rags on your back, well I headed to the inn to see all the pretty ladies to tell them the stories of war, the next thing I know a a younger mate walks in no injuries looking all dressed up and fine, now your all alone, thought you had girls to fill your sails now you got to sail alone, I HATE it when that happens.




piratey parody of two songs in there =) If you can guess which one Apollo I will give you azagh points, they can be turned in for whiskey ;)
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Azagh of the Viridian 2006- 2015

MIA - Smirnoff (tan octo), Outgoing Stickleback (first ship), Time bandit (Favorite ship), Northwestern, Glenfiddich & Buffalo Trace (my shoppes) and my Galene doll won in the indy 50.0
[Dec 5, 2012 11:10:33 PM] Show Printable Version of Post        Send Private Message    Hidden to Guest [Link]  Go to top 
Jippeh14

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Re: December Doodle #2 [Deadline end Friday 7th December 2012] Reply to this Post
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Jippy, Meridian

Gather round pirates as I tell ye' a tale,
Commandeering an Island, oh how Jip failed.
You know when you attempt to commandeer a land?
Try not to follow in Jippy's command!
I really hate when that happens!

Jippy readied the ship she set the sail,
Counted out pirates, wrenched them from jail.
You know when you try to collect a crew?
Tried it before? I thought you knew!
I hate it when that happens.

You know when you try to make the nastiest of brutes,
Listen to you? The bleedin' coots!
Hit each other with mallets they did,
Until naught stood but a wee little kid!
I really hate it when that happens!!

So Jippy and the lad stood on the cove,
Wading in and through they wove.
You know when you think you can swim?
Forgot you can’t and then have water to your brim?
I hate it when that happens.

They readied their arms (and legs as well)
Took aim, fired, all looked swell!
But you know when you use your leg as a sword,
Lose balance and fall back into the water that you abhorred?
I hate it when that happens!

However then they did notice much to their distaste,
The whole expedition had been quite a waste...
You know when you try to commandeer a land?
Make sure your flag does not already own that sand!
I really HATE it when that happens!
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Jippy of Meridian
[Dec 6, 2012 3:42:20 AM] Show Printable Version of Post        Send Private Message [Link]  Go to top 
spy_x59

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Re: December Doodle #2 [Deadline end Friday 7th December 2012] Reply to this Post
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Nors - Meridian

Nors: Boy I tell you Smoothie....

Smoothie: Yea I don't care Nors this is my last few moments around your neck.... I was trying to get laid by a Lady Serp when it beat me with venom; and I'm very painful; I hate when that happens

N: Yea I know what you mean Smoothie, but if you want to talk about some pain; theres a day I am down at the Cade Working you know?

S: Mhm

N: And I took one of them Carp Station Saws;

S: Yea?

N: And I spread the wood apart and starting sawing; back and forth and back and forth; and then I took a little bowl of that eh,

S: Hair of the Dogs?

N: Yea and then I chunk-o-mo, boko-mo feeling hot and high; then i saw that we are actually in flame stuck in pile o' flaming flotsam, talk about a hotfoot god-da*n naver

S: Sounds painful

N: It Was, I hate when I do that

S: I know what you mean; Its like the other day I had nott'ing to do and with my ex-owner we went pillying on the sloop; porting only to found ourselves on the blockade board, looking around being sandwiched by a few big booty ships around us, so we grap one of those

N: Double-move Token?

S: Yea and we charge in you know just to see how far in we can get it to go; Well we only went in about 3-grid-es so I try turning and shooting ourway out until these two War Frigate turn up and gave us a few rams you know boys that painful;

N: o
S: au, ouch, I hate when I do that

N: I know what you mean; Its like the other day I was in the main haul, not doing nott'ing, waiting for sum'ting, and then tis naver,

S: who?

N: doesn't matter, just fetch a few dudes and force me to walk me planks; so I went swimming and let me tell you something, I got grabbed the crabs out of me by those evil diamond-claw crabs in the sea; holly molly, then he invited me back on but we sank eventually

S: ouch

N: not me, I got nothing but a stupid fish; I hate when that happens

S: I know what you mean; II'was in the kitchen

N: YOU WHAT?!!

S: I meant burning deck with my other owner on ship entering the board then leaving; clearing our board of vegas… And then ported; then told us they are not going in until a while with the round being live, we went !@#$%^

N: I know what you mean, I hate when that happens; I was loading some Cannonball the other day but then the Nav-in-charge told me to check the powder, so I dig my hand in when it reads he saw another ship; then the thing goes “You lost connection” Next thing you wake up in the ShipYard Salvaging Section and they say take this fancy Weap to your arms, literally

S: I know what you mean, we were sailing the old-fashioned way incredibly until some ultimate nob just hop on and next thing you know, 4 lines of tokens just dropped on Top of Yer’, I hate when that happens

N: I know what yer’ mean; the other day my friends decide to blockade an island, and they spent 50mil on war chest and jobbies payment; then they lost even with the 9.999k pay/seg

S: o
N: au, ouch, then I lol-ed

Less than 600 words but bit long; went along with the song
----------------------------------------
Yours Truly
Nors on Meridian
nobody of Meridian

(As if Pirate be truthful)

Just being completely irrelevant, as usual

[IMG]http://i.imgur.com/o4BHcMn.png[/IMG
[Dec 6, 2012 5:47:53 AM] Show Printable Version of Post        Send Private Message [Link]  Go to top 
MSpartans

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Re: December Doodle #2 [Deadline end Friday 7th December 2012] Reply to this Post
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-Gneiss Emerald-

=-=

M: Yohoho, I'm headed to the docks to grab a couple wenches while thinkin 'bout participatin in events.

Okay Marty.

M: Ooh, ow, ouch! Oh, Johnny, Johnny, a Wild Docktart appeared, sent me a trade, and tried sellin me colored cannonballs...oooowwww.

Sounds painful.

M: It was...I HATE when that happens!

Yeah, I understand, but if you wanna talk 'bout pain...I'm reminded of every island I've ever caded.

M: How many have you taken?

...

M: Owch!

I hate when I do that!

M: Or like when I was bored with nothing to do so my girl had me hunt bks...after we won she skuttled the bk because...

The button was shiney.

M: Yeah, so I prepared a cade but it didn't matter because the BA didn't show. He was...

cooking?

M: No.

shoving pens through his eyeballs?

M: No. More like...

playing xbox

M: I HATE when that happens!

Sounds like the other day when my girl wanted an island because she thinks they're...

M: cute

So I began moving stock but every flaggie was...

M: busy

And after moving the fleet I realized it was...

M: the wrong fleet

I hate when I do that!

M: I know what you mean. You know, you had me naving for that one.

Yeah?

M: Yup, and when I took the helm I...

sunk the wrong team

M: Yeah, I was so mad! I started swearing when

Your parents walked in

M: So I chucked my desk!

destroying the computer

M: and starting a fire when it

exploded

M: Causing my parents to

spontaneously combust

M: ...Yeah

Weird

M: I HATE when that happens!

That sounds bad, but you know what's worse? When my language is scuppering...

M: Pirate-ified

Barnacle. How'm I supposed to command...

M: respect

From my cade crew when I look like a barnacley

M: newb

It's worse than...

M: Bieber

Yeah, and then the crew doesn't puzzle because they're too busy

M: laughing

So I have to...

M: kill them

Yeah...I HATE when I do that!

=-=
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Searching for Black CI Trinks

Huntard
Aug 12, 2011
Av by Diagram
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[Edit 1 times, last edit by MSpartans at Dec 6, 2012 3:11:01 PM]
[Dec 6, 2012 3:09:27 PM] Show Printable Version of Post        Send Private Message [Link]  Go to top 
Fujiko

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Eh. Who cares if it's allowed in the contest ;)

http://forums.puzzlepirates.com/community/mvnforum/viewthread?p=110456#110456 - my fictional account of a blockade on Midnight, a long time ago.

(And read the rest of the thread - there's stuff much better than mine there)
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Fujiko on Cerulean.
WTB: Mako ships, penguins, Neerie's prize-winning egg (a card suits one,) more of Greylady's sixth prize-winning eggs (the penguin one.)
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[Edit 1 times, last edit by Fujiko at Dec 7, 2012 7:45:01 AM]
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joandart

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Re: December Doodle #2 [Deadline end Friday 7th December 2012] Reply to this Post
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Herowena of Cerulean

You know when you're first learning to battle nav, and your captain thinks you need experience in blockading? So you load up a ship with your other greenish crewbies, and gamely sail onto the blockade board? Then someone calls all hands to the next ship loading, and your crewmates promptly click that button and abandon your ship? So then you try to sail, carpent, bilge, gun, and navigate by yourself, and end up making four consecutive wrong turns into teammates' ships? Then one of the other navvers is irritated enough to sink you? And this was your very first sloop, that you saved up for over an entire month, and it was before ship salvage existed? Yeah, I hate when that happens.
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Herowena of Cerulean
Still Sleeping With The Fishes

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CapnKkatz

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Re: December Doodle #2 [Deadline end Friday 7th December 2012] Reply to this Post
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Greylady of Meridian

You know when....

that new Limited Edition sloop with everything you've ever wanted comes out, and you scrape together every last PoE and doubloon that you have to purchase it, then you spend all of your hard-earned rogue marks to give it the most fantastic custom rename, then inadvertently leave it set to "blockade", then mistakenly sail onto the blockade board, then panic, and don't remember how to get out?

....I HATE when that happens!

You know when....

you realize that you're not only in a blockade, in your precious custom-named Limited Edition sloop, but that your soloing?

....I HATE when that happens!

You know when....

your stomack suddenly does a flippy-flop when you realize that you hadn't yet had time to stock your beautiful, custom-named Limited Edition sloop, and you have absolutely no rum or cannonballs?

....I HATE when that happens!

You know when....

you begin to feel faint because a war brig, a merchant brig and a grand frig have just realized that you are on the board in your super lovely, custom-named Limited Edition sloop, and they have decided to teach you a lesson for going where you most certainly do not belong?

....I HATE when that happens!


You know when....

the enemy ships are in range, and they are surrounding you, and you haven't yet learned to swim, and you forgot your water wings and the cannonballs are coming your way and you realize that Davey Jones may have your name and the perfect name of your wonderful, custom-named Limited Edition sloop written on his welcome board, and everything gets wet andd goes black??

....I HATE when that happens!

You know when....

you've spent a fortune on the custom-named Limited Edition sloop of your dreams and you accidentally wander onto the blockade board and get sunk, and drown, and loose your perfect ship and all you get is a lousy tan/tan fish???

....I HATE when that happens!
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Greylady, Meridian & Emerald, Greyladyy on Cerulean

"In a courtroom, it is not the loudest voice that prevails...it's the Constitution." WA AG
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bisquick

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Bisquick - Cerulean

You know when your wife is pregnant, and she has this insatiable craving for pineapples? There's no arguing with her! So I go out and forage a bunch of the atrocious fruit, and pray really hard that it's enough. But after the long voyage home, I can't port because the island's owner declared war on my flag. You know, like we're squabbling on some schoolyard or something. What a mess! Then the swabbies throw pineapples at me when I tell them they have to swim the rest of the way home. I HATE when that happens.

So I send out a plea to my monarch: either form a truce or take the island. My carrier pigeon got lost for three days, so it's pretty angry when it comes back. You know how your stomach feels after eating only pineapples for a week? I do, and I'm too busy heaving it all back up to tip the irate bird, so the fiendish thing pecks my eye out! I HATE when that happens.

The monarch's missive was short: "screw you." Which means I have to take matters into my own hands, right? So I drop a chest, and it lands on my foot. Maybe I didn't do it right, because why would you start a blockade with three broken toes? I HATE when that happens.

No matter. I open fire, taking out everything in my path. But then a shiny god shows up on my ship and informs me that it's only Friday. I have to wait a day before I can start shooting. I ask if I could have my cannonballs back. He laughs and says, "sure!" then disappears. Suddenly, iron balls are raining from the sky. One tries to replace my head. I HATE when that happens.

I made sure I got it right this time, you know? It's Saturday, so I start firing, yet no one seems to care. I have this one-man-show of a blockade in the bag! But you know when you try to blockade after stocking for a foraging trip? You run out of shot really fast. So I start firing pineapples --I mean, it's all I got left, man!-- which the citizens of Guava apparently take offense to. Do you know what it feels like to take a fermented guava shot to the face? I do. It smells funny. And it disintegrated my good eye. I HATE when that happens.

So now my ship is sinking under the weight of an obscene amount of fermented guavas, therefore I'm left with little choice. I jump ship with the last pineapple in my arms and dash for shore. After blindly running the four miles inland, I get home and present my precious cargo to my wife. "It's salty," she declares with disdain, then wallops me in the gut for taking so long. Who keeps a large mallet handy anyway? "Then again," she thoughtfully continues, "this might taste good dipped in blistering barnacles." What the heck are blistering barnacles? ...*sob* I hate when that happens.
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Bisquick - Midnight (turned Cerulean), and all other oceans
Captain of Ransack Marauders
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lilymoon

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Re: December Doodle #2 [Deadline end Friday 7th December 2012] Reply to this Post
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Faeree of Emerald:

You know when you join a blockade your flag is partaking in, just to make some PoE, and you take a station then someone asks you to take over as XO?

I hate it when that happens!

And you know when you never navved a ship or been in a blockade before that you are expected to know what an XO is and what to do?

I hate it when that happens!

And you know when you finally figure out what an XO is and you start to do XO things then your navver planks himself, leaving you in charge?

Yeah, I hate it when that happens!

And you know when you are able/able in B-nav and the flag is counting on you to nav the ship and you have no idea what loading a cannon looks like or how to turn left or right?

Um, yeah I hate it when that happens!

And then when you hurry and look up navving on the Yppedia and you finally figure out how to move and how to load cannons and shoot something you get booed by your flag mates?

Um.. I hate it when that happens!

And then when you are super proud of yourself for shooting a ship that it finally sinks that you get threats made by your flag mates that you wonder what the heck they are yelling at you for?

I hate it when that happens!

And then you know you get fired upon by lots of ships and then your ship goes glub glub and you get your first injury which you are super excited about but are being given piratified words from both flag mates and by your ship mates and you wonder what all the huff is about thinking you actually sunk a ship and managed to do it on your first attempt to nav a ship... granted you got sunk... but hey at least you navved and sunk a ship!

I hate it when that happens!

And then you get a tell from the Queen of the flag your flag is at war with thanking you for all of your hard work that you then start to really read through chat and then realize that the ship you sunk was a flag ship which then gave the opposing flag the last point in the last round of a blockade?

Yeah.. I really hate it when that happens!
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Faeree ~ Illustrious Wanderer on all oceans ~
Apollo wrote: 
(Is it wrong that I'm now just a tiny bit in love with Faeree's brother?)

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[Edit 1 times, last edit by lilymoon at Dec 7, 2012 7:08:49 PM]
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Dexla

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Re: December Doodle #2 [Deadline end Friday 7th December 2012] Reply to this Post
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Dexla ~ Ceruuuulean
According to Wordcounttool I'm at 534 words

So I paid a visit, late one night,
Herowena sends me a tell,
"Rejobbin' for Atlantis, we're doin' all right
and the Navver is drivin' pretty well"


"Okay, one sec, I gotta grab a sword
'cause my very best foil just dusted"

I got me an invite, just about to board
And suddenly my purple corset busted.

(Hero) Oh I hate it when that happens!
(Dex) Yeah, that really does suck.
(Hero) But what can you do?
(Dex) I got the worst luck.


"So how'd that pillage you went on last night go?"
"I should have stayed home plucking the hairs out of my leg one by one."
"That good huh?"
"Like having a canker sore and a glass or orange juice."
"Oh, those are the worse!"
"Yeah, he was pretty bad. You know when you drop your rum bottle at inn?
"And it smashes into tiny pieces all over the floor?"
"Under that one particular table."
"Where your boots stick?"
"No, the other one."
"Where Salty Joe had that "accident" in his pants?"
"To the left of that one."
"Where Frisky Hans lost his spaghetti dinner three months ago and it still hasn't been cleaned up?"
"Yeah, yeah, that one! It was like when your bottle of rum smashes into tiny pieces under that table and you get down on your hands and knees to salvage what you can..."
"And you get tiny bits of glass in your tongue licking it up?"
"Uh huh, and splinters in your knees as you try to crawl back out from under there!"
"Oh I hate it when that happens!"
"Me too."
"So that pillage was that bad?"
"No. It was worse."
"How could it be worse than that?"
"You know when you enter a SF and you're supposed to wave the pointy end out?"
"Yeah.... did you forget again?"
"No! But I got really distracted by this itch I had in my ear... and I was wishing I had a...."
"Finger instead of a rusty hook?"
"No."
"A Q-Tip?"
"Have those even been invented yet?"
"Work with me, Dex."
"No, not a Q-tip."
"A dried twig from a rose bush?"
"Yeah! That! But I didn't have one, so I took the pointy end of my foil in stuck it in my ear..."
"Oh I'll bet that felt better!"
"Until I got smacked upside the head with a fish, and my blade when clear through my skull till it came out of my ear on the other side"
"A fish? You mean it was a rumble, and not a sword fight?"
"Uh huh."
"Oh I hate it when I get those confused."
"Mmmhmm."
"Is that why you're sportin' a bandana tonight?"
"Kinda..."

The ship turns around, and we're going in,
Boarded by dragoons right away.
It's pretty clear now, we ain't gonna win,
As we're quickly dropping out of the fray.

"Blistering blue, here comes a sinking,
after wasting three hours of our night!
I'm gonna go home with a fish that's stinking,
'Cause the navver made a move not-bright."


(Hero) Oh I hate it when that happens!
(Dex) Yeah, that really does suck.
(Hero) But what can you do?
(Dex) I got the worst luck.

----------------------------------------
Dexla d'Midnight
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[Edit 1 times, last edit by Dexla at Dec 7, 2012 8:43:38 PM]
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Hikariks

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Re: December Doodle #2 [Deadline end Friday 7th December 2012] Reply to this Post
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You know when you are trying to remember the last times you ever blockaded and the first thing that comes to mind is the embarassment you feel about that time?
So it was this sunny day, full of hope and rainbows, everything smiling at you, and that is usually the moment you are pretty sure everything will go smoothly. Of course that makes you think ?Hey mate, this will be so easy and boring!? and of course your brilliant brain decides it?s time to make a bet.
Suddenly a bunch of scurvy dogs come and dare you to sail the ships around completely blindfolded and your peanut brain thinks it?s a great idea. Genius! Everything is fun and cookies until the moment you realize a bunch of mates fall off your ship due to the constant turnings and rock hitting, making your boots be filled with water (Harr harr, why can?t bilgers work efficiently?) and for the first time you can use the duck floaters.

And there they are, celebrating with rum, pointing and laughing for having tricked you and for making you destroy yourself thinking it was all a game, while they prepared to attack by the second round when you have no more ships?

Ugh! I hate when that happens!

You know that moment your brain, then, decides to promise stuff like ?Mate, I?m telling you, I?m never doing these things again, and I?ll be saving for those pretty limited edition ships or even spend time buying clothes or even cookies and rum!? But in the end it?s all completely false and the Blockade event starts again?

Mate, I hate when that happens.
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Yumisa World Wide ;)
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Can't find me? Im on Deviant Art!
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[Edit 1 times, last edit by Hikariks at Dec 7, 2012 8:43:26 PM]
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tilinka

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Re: December Doodle #2 [Deadline end Friday 7th December 2012] Reply to this Post
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Tilinka, Emerald.
------------
Meter-west: Hey Rhyme.
Rhyme: Hi, Meter.
Meter-west: Erm.
Rhyme: What?
Meter-west: Eh, my feet are off. You know, you know how you wake up one and are just staring at the ceiling-
Rhyme: Waiting for your legs to regain their feeling?
Meter-west: Yeah, and you look up and realize your name seems to have a whole new syllable.
Rhyme: Inconceivable!
Meter-west: Precisely. So every time I write a blockade intent post, the poem comes out wrong. I - It's frustratin'.
Rhyme: Boy, You wanna talk about blockades? The other day we were doing palace upgrades.
Meter-west: With the palisades?
Rhyme: And some brocades.
Meter-west: Yeah?
Rhyme: A good price; really nice. Anyway, so I?'m hanging them up with a.. a..
Meter-west: Vise?
Rhyme: Right. So all of a sudden, this coconut comes flying through the window. Shattered glass all around, you know?
Meter-west: Mm hmm.
Rhyme: And this kid swings in like he's.. he's...
Meter-west: Errol Flynn?
Rhyme: No.
Meter-west: A young Tarzan?
Rhyme: No.
Meter-west: Ah?
Rhyme: Been in the gin.
Meter-west: Ah! Yeah.
Rhyme: Right?
Meter-west: Right.
Rhyme: So then he drops this blockade chest and is off without even a jest. And inside is.. is..
Meter-west: Sand dollars?
Rhyme: Right. Not even clean ones.
Meter-west: Boy, that must smell.
Rhyme: Yeah. I HATE when THAT happens!
---------

(For the record and all, Rhyme and Meter-west are a pair of my alts.)
----------------------------------------
Tilinka, Emerald
Perilous Puppet
Artsy Stuff
Avatars
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[Edit 3 times, last edit by tilinka at Dec 10, 2012 4:03:34 PM]
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sjyusuke

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Re: December Doodle #2 [Deadline end Friday 7th December 2012] Reply to this Post
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Ztirf on the Meridian Ocean

Alrite guys I hope my skit makes you giggle.. at least once! =]


__________


"Alrite Johnny matey, lemmie tell you a story.."
-"Arghh.. here we go again lets hear it."
"You know when you get that feeling that you can take control of any island?"
-"Yea i love that feeling."
"But then look back and see that your whole fleet consists of only a monkey and a no good dead beat talking skeleton?"
-"Yarr, i hate when that happens!"

"So you try to recruit some new members and all you get a zombie who you can barely understand - but take him anyway since no one else likes.."
-"The sound of your mariachi music playing in the background?"
"Yea"
-"They just don't appreciate good music nowadays!"

"We go into battle only to find that the enemy ships only sloop, so we get all confident and start loading our cannons-- after they are fully loaded guess what what happens?"
-"You shoot them and find out they aren't cannon balls."
"Yes they are loaded with pineapples, pineapples Johnny!"
-"Har har har! Man I hate when that happens."

"But after many sweat and tears, oh and let me tell you Johnny there was lots of tears-- we manage to make it on the island-- and the guess what?"
-"Oh no- i already know where this is going-"
"We find out the island is just some oversized pineapple-loving-Turtle!"
-"Arghh you aren't the first!"

"Next you thing know the turtle throws you off and me and my no good crew have to find our way back home .. only to end up
-"End up how?"
"End up in a run down bar talking to a monkey.. named Johnny."
-"Har har har! I hate when that happens!"

__________
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ocelotspot

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Re: December Doodle #2 [Deadline end Friday 7th December 2012] Reply to this Post
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Sallymae, Meridian

You know when you're jobbing in a 'cade, and you're bilging away, and suddenly your octopus falls off your shoulder, onto your bilge pump and down to the deck. Everything is covered in octopus slime, and your hand slips off the pump, and your boots slide all over the slimy deck, and when you fall you hit your elbow on your neighbor's bucket and get covered in bilge water. I hate when that happens.

You know when you switch to rigging, 'cause a greenie took your bilge while you were getting up off the deck and retrieving your octopus, and you're pulling ropes as fast as you can, and you've put the errant octopus away in your booty and let your monkey out instead. Then the monkey gets hungry and sees a crate of bananas, but it's on the other side of the ship, and there are tons of people in between working on stations, and the monkey decides to climb through the rigging to get to the bananas, but you don't notice and keep pulling on the ropes until you both get tangled up, and you end up hanging upside down by your ankle. I hate when that happens.

You know when you decide to go carp, since the XO has kicked you off rigging after your booch, and you untangle you naughty monkey and send it back to your booty and let your parrot out instead. So you're hammering away, and your indicator is almost sparkling, then suddenly your parrot shouts "Billions of blue blistering barnacles!" right in your ear, and you accidentally hit your thumb instead of the nail, and you go to grab it with your other hand, but you drop the hammer, and it lands on your foot. I hate when that happens.
----------------------------------------
Sallymae of Meridian
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Arghhpirate

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Re: December Doodle #2 [Deadline end Friday 7th December 2012] Reply to this Post
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Arghhpirate, Meridian

You know when your flag is attempting to take an island and they ask you to XO, I hate when that happens.

You know when you succumb to pressure and decide to XO and you're on the ship and have no idea what you're doing, and no one will listen to you, I hate when that happens.

You know when you get gunners and some of them decide not to gun and then you don't have enough guns and the bnavver yells at you, and then there's always that one gunner who complains about not getting paid, not getting enough guns to fill, or there being too many gunners, I hate when that happens.

You know when you're in and the DR comes up and all you see is 'learning' and you need to plank all these learners and end up only having 5 people on your ship left, I hate when that happens.

You know when no one on the ship seems to be listening to you and no one wants to fill carp and damage is rising and you sink, I hate when that happens.

You know when you tell yourself and everyone who will listen that you will never ever XO again, and then the week later, you're XOing again, I hate when that happens.
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Cloverwood

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December Double-Weekly Doodle #2: I hate when that happens! Reply to this Post
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[Pirate]:TheRunt
[Ocean]: Cerulean
Entry:

Just the other day, I'd made me way over to local pub.
While drinkin' me rum, and feeling humdrum, heard some news o'er the hubbub...
You know when the BKs, start settin' their gaze on an island that's yer second home? I hate when that happens.
So when I hear they're on me mate's rear, I know what's got to be done.
You know when you feel "Yarrr", and pound your fist on the bar 'neath a pair of those - what ya call - Swords?
Then one falls loose, and rather uncooth, slices right through yer wrist.
I hate when that happens.
So I gave it a look, strapped on a hook, and whisked away to me boat.
After chartin' a course, that I might add me force, I was off on me way.
You know when you lend yer ship to a friend and they return the ship the next day?
But when they do, unknown to you, they drained the rum all away?
I hate when that happens.
But a mate was in need, so I didn't take heed and sail on with my backup of grog.
Some pirates were jobbed, as the ship bobbed and sailed into the blockade.
You know when a mate says battle first rate, so you let them take over the helm?
But when they chart, it's much less than art and sail you into a barrage?
I hate when that happens.
You know when you've spent so many a cent on a limited edition boat?
But it gets loaded with holes, off the coast of some knolls, and sinks beneath the waves?
I hate when that happens.
You know when you're floatin', post some unlucky boatin' and you reach for a bit of debris?
But an explosion nearby, spits a shard in your eye, and now out of it you can't see?
I hate when that happens.
So you start to swim, and you spy a dolphin come to help you get back to shore?
But the dolphin has gills, and gets his thrills from chewing his way through yer leg?
I hate when that happens.
But I made it ashore, all covered in gore, and hobbled my way to the bar.
A nice guy said "Poor fella, I sure can tell ya had an 'orrible day"
You know when you're stuck, and down on yer luck, and someone buys you a drink?
And he's says that the brew is sure to help you - and take all you're worries away?
But after you drink, in spite of the stink, and it takes all yer injuries away?
I HATE WHEN THAT HAPPENS!
----------------------------------------
TheRunt (Cerulean)
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Apollo
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Re: December Double-Weekly Doodle #2: I hate when that happens! Reply to this Post
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Oooh, TheRunt, tight timing! <3
This contest is now closed. If anyone still has anything ready to post, please do post it, but I won't be able to give you teh big prizez.
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Apollo
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Re: December Doodle #2 [WINNERS ANNOUNCED] Reply to this Post
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Wow, this one was really hard to judge. I ended up with lots of similar scores and tie-breaks, which is particularly difficult when the styles are so very different. I also had to be a little bit flexible over the extent to which entries stuck to the theme, given the variety!

Here is the final winners list.

Winners: Imp of Meridian and Tilinka of Emerald, who each win a bouquet of roses.

Runners-up: Cattrin of Meridian and Gneiss of Emerald.

Honorable mentions: Greylady, Bisquick, Sallymae and Therunt.

Dexla wins the hotly contested "Best Entry That I Just Couldn't Say Met The Theme" award. Herowena has "Most Effective Tearjerker". Nors gets "Closest Song Parody"!


Shiny Sun Points

10 Shiny Sun Points go to Imp and Tilinka.
5 Shiny Sun Points each go to Cattrin and Gneiss.
1 Shiny Sun Point each goes to Greylady, Bisquick, Sallymae and TheRunt.

Congratulations, everyone!
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joandart

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Re: December Doodle #2 [WINNERS ANNOUNCED] Reply to this Post
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Herowena has "Most Effective Tearjerker".


I DID want to be Anne Shirley when I grew up. :D
----------------------------------------
Herowena of Cerulean
Still Sleeping With The Fishes

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MSpartans

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Re: December Doodle #2 [WINNERS ANNOUNCED] Reply to this Post
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Herowena has "Most Effective Tearjerker".


I DID want to be Anne Shirley when I grew up. :D


I prefer to make people cry.
----------------------------------------
Searching for Black CI Trinks

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[Dec 10, 2012 2:37:54 PM] Show Printable Version of Post        Send Private Message [Link]  Go to top 
joandart

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Re: December Doodle #2 [WINNERS ANNOUNCED] Reply to this Post
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Herowena has "Most Effective Tearjerker".


I DID want to be Anne Shirley when I grew up. :D


I prefer to make people cry.


So did she. :P
----------------------------------------
Herowena of Cerulean
Still Sleeping With The Fishes

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